Melanie and Tony. Day 6.

“We already know that we are capable of successfully overcoming hard challenges.”

 

Melanie

1. Tell us about your day.

This was the first time Tony and I didn't see each other in person since we met (!) on Saturday. (That still seems weird that I haven't known him longer). I think it was good in lots of ways though, because I was busy with work things and it was really good for me to have some time to see friends that I haven't had time with since we started. I was missing them and was grateful to have my goofy self have space while I joked around with them. It was good for Tony too because he needed to test and pass off things for his Jiujitsu, and turns out it took 5 hours to get it all done. I'm glad he didn't feel pressured by time with me, because this is something he probably won't have lots of time for in the next month. We did talk on the phone on his way home and ended up chatting for 45 minutes, so we still definitely connected and talked. We were both so impressed with how open and clear we can be in our communication and boundary setting. We talked about how we trust each other and appreciate how we are both proactive about dealing with our own emotions. It feels really nice and mature, honestly. Too often in dating I feel worn out because it feels like the other person expects me to deal with how they feel (sometimes they actually put that pressure on me, but sometimes I just do it and create unhealthy patterns around it).


2. What’s something you learned about your bae so far that has surprised you?

It's been exciting to learn how multifaceted he is, how it's really pretty impossible to put him in a box. He has so many different interests and is good at getting along with so many different kinds of people. I feel like I've been pleasantly surprised every day with the way he handles social interactions and the way he responds to me. It honestly always feels like he's in my corner. For example, I had an interview tonight that went very well, but I was still feeling self conscious about an aspect of it. He seamlessly took my fears and highlighted how I have a strength there and it's something that is impressive. Ya'll, find ya'self a bae that is so validating and considerate that even your most negative thoughts don't stand a chance against his kind words. (Ok fine, this one seems like a tall bill to match. Probably not many S.O.s can do that. But man am I glad my man does).


3. How do your friends feel about you doing this?

They are all SOOOOOOOO curious. Which makes lots of sense. Sorry to everyone that I haven't given loads of details to. But aren't you so glad that you get to read it now? I was talking to one of my good friends about it tonight, and he mentioned how it seems like, because people know it's a social experiment, they just ask all types of questions they would never ask otherwise. And there have even been one or two times when people who literally never ask about my dating life have been super curious. It's totally normal and, if you are the one reading this, know that I would do the exact same thing in your shoes. In fact, during season 1 of 30db, I almost did, and I didn't even know any of the baes! It's been interesting to see how much more conscious I am of boundaries with my friends and I wonder how it would change my dating if I did that more. Like, instead of complaining to friends (or my mom. Hi, mom!) about things that were bothering me or whatever, what if I always developed the pattern of communicating those things with my partner! It's not to say friends have no place, but ultimately nothing is gonna change in the relationship if it's not worked through in the relationship. I've known this mentally for a while, but actually experiencing it makes me so so grateful for boundaries. And of course for the dear Queen Brene Brown, may we honor all she does for us.


4. Share a telling screenshot from your text conversation w your bae.

Ok wow this seems really boring. but honestly most of our text conversations are about clarifying plans or checking in on things. I don't feel like we have lots of conversations in text? Plus, we've spent every day together besides today, so it's not like we even have much to say in text--we probably already said it in person. Text seems to be more for business, sorry its not all shiny or attention grabbing like duct tape. But also maybe less ghetto? Ok it is VERY late tonight, I don't know if that metaphor even made sense. Faithful, devoted readers, please forgive my analogies and jokes that just do not land. I can't win all of them. And very clearly don't.

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Tony

1. Tell us about your day.

Today we didn’t get to see each other, but we talked on the phone for a half hour or so. She had work and a little get together with friends where they reminisced about simpler times, and I did Jiu-Jitsu for like 5 hours 😂

Talking on the phone was nice. It allowed us to continue getting to know each other. Most of the time, Melanie and I will talk about conversations that are more in depth than basic get-to-know-you questions. I really enjoy the depth, while also recognizing that we need to sprinkle in conversation where we learn more about each other!

 

2. What’s something you learned about your bae so far that has surprised you?

There are a couple things that I have learned about Melanie from our conversations over the last few days. I don’t know that they were surprising as much as they were refreshing.

First, Melanie is not afraid to try something new. She did not hesitate to give Jiu-Jitsu a shot and she did really well with it. She wasn’t afraid to ask questions to fully understand what she needed to do and she took feedback really well. There are so many people who let fear dominate their life. It is refreshing to see that Melanie is not one of those people. 

Second, she is not afraid to tackle difficult things. After she came with me to Jiu-Jitsu, we parted ways and she went climbing. Later she texted me that she had accomplished a climbing goal that she was working on. Later she told me that she will phrase the climbing goal as a problem that is giving her difficulty. I love this mindset. I think that there is power in identifying simple, yet manageable problems in our life that we have the ability to tackle. As we systematically work to find a solution to that problem, we are teaching ourselves that we are more than capable of doing hard things. I feel like this mindset causes larger problems to become less daunting because we already have solid evidence of our track record. We already know that we are capable of successfully overcoming hard challenges. It is a good way to live and Melanie does it well.

Third, she has high emotional intelligence. I am constantly amazed about how she is able to not only identify how she is feeling, but she feels comfortable and confident in explaining those feelings. I think too many times, people become subjected to their own emotional ups and downs and allow their emotions to completely control them. Melanie controls her emotions so well. She effectively allows her emotions to give her additional information about a situation or behavior, but doesn’t allow them to restrict her from moving forward. Because of this she is also acutely aware of other people’s emotional state. I cannot help but feel understood and valued when I am around her. It is a fantastic quality to have and I really am grateful for her.

 

3. How do your friends feel about you doing this?

My friends love it! They are incredibly intrigued and think it is a fantastic idea. Most of my friends are just excited to meet Melanie. Others are fascinated by the whole idea of Thirty Day Bae. I often ask them if they would do TDB or something like it. Some of them said that they absolutely would, but most are definitely reticent (to say the least😂).


4. Share a telling screenshot from your text conversation w your bae.

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