Melanie and Tony. Day 3.

“Today was an emotional rollercoaster for me. Not a large one. Just your everyday medium-sized emotional rollercoaster.”

 

Melanie

1. Tell us about your day.

When we planned our week yesterday, we planned on tonight being one of the times this week that we just facetimed, but I got done with work 2 hours earlier than I thought, so we decided to get dinner and chat some more. We got pizza, then went to his place and talked for 3 hours. I opened up more tonight about things that get me fired up. Probably could have kept talking, but he worked early today and his eyes were really starting to look sleepy. His roommates all got home and so we chatted with them some more too. They were really supportive about this whole dating experiment thing (but everyone has been--either people are just REALLY on board with changing how the dating culture is, or they REALLY don't know how to challenge me. But I'll take the validation all day).

2. What’s been on your mind today?

I was feeling a bit worried earlier today about him seeming to be more interested in me at this point than I am in him. I know this is a normal stage in all relationships, but I still get uncomfortable with it every time (also, I didn't check in with him on this, so I fully acknowledge that I may not have the facts straight, but this is what my perspective is so...). Normally when this comes up, I tend to avoid spending time with my boyfriend in hopes that things will balance out more when we are apart, but I consciously chose to spend more time with him today. It was a good thing, because even if I didn't get a bigger crush on him or have a bounding desire to kiss him (are those really what my measures for relationship success are? Haha), I DID gain lots of respect for him. Like so much. I really am lucky to be paired with a thoughtful, wonderful human. Bless Davi.

3. Scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

Bleh. Numbers are hard.

Tonight I didn't feel as much desire to be physically close with him, but I felt like our emotional and mental closeness increased in really important ways by talking about some harder topics. So as far as security and depth of relationship, a 7. Pretty dang good for knowing someone for 3 days, huh?

4. What would you like to do differently tomorrow?

I definitely got in my head tonight, and though that was probably necessary for the level of conversation we had, I think I want to try and be more consciously flirty tomorrow. If that doesn't feel natural, I do at least want to try opening up more, cause I definitely did more question asking than answering (my default always).

5. What is something you want to learn/discuss in relationship coaching this week?

I know it's normal to have different levels of interest, but how can I work with that to keep from pulling away when I sense my level is different from his?

Darling readers, we had a great, respectful conversation about politics and homosexuality in the church and it was really nice to have conversation where we didn't agree on everything! So far most of the things we talk about we mostly have in common, so it was good to work through our differences and come out still admiring things about each other. Tony is loving and respectful and so good at noticing my strengths, even when I felt uncomfortable or vulnerable. Ya'll find you a bae that can have a different opinion with you and discuss it in a respectful, curious way.



 

Tony

1. Tell us about your day.

Today was an emotional rollercoaster for me. Not a large one. Just your everyday medium-sized emotional rollercoaster. I have a tendency toward overthinking and overanalyzing things. This only becomes a problem if I attempt to draw conclusions with very limited information. I reached out to Davi to get advice. She convinced me that this is very common for my personality type, so I shouldn’t be too concerned. She also mentioned that it is an amazing strength because I can create meaning internally from just about anything. It was comforting to hear.

Because of the trip to the emotional circus, I was feeling very introverted today. However, I found myself wanting to talk with Mel. It was a good feeling. We are creating a solid friendship and I feel trust developing. Today was supposed to be a FaceTime day because she was working late, but she got off early 😊😊! So, we went and got some pizza for dinner and then went back to my place and talked for several hours. I am feeling more connected to her every day 👫😏

2. What’s been on your mind today?

3. Scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

Eight. I am feeling very optimistic. We proved tonight that we can have difficult conversations where we have differing viewpoints but we come out of the conversation feeling heard and validated. It was phenomenal.

4. What would you like to do differently tomorrow?

I just want to keep progressing as we are doing. I want to focus on still getting to know her. I realized tonight that even though we are getting progressively more comfortable together (👫😉), we still have plenty more to learn about each other. I think I want to pick a time period and ask her questions about it so I can better understand her life and her experiences. I also want to ask more thought-provoking questions that we can explore together. The beauty of TDB is that we both feel comfortable admitting that we still don’t know a lot about each other so setting aside time specifically for conversation is becoming a priority for us.

5. What is something you want to learn/discuss in relationship coaching this week?

I want to ask Jordan about his recommendations for different topics that he thinks would be important to talk about in a relationship. We have been doing good so far, but I’m sure he has some good ideas. I also want to talk about how to handle conflict in a relationship. This is something Mel and I have not experienced yet (it’s only been 3 days after all 😂), but it’s something I would like to discuss because it is essential for healthy relationships.