Melanie and Tony. Day 14.

“OK, done avoiding.”

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Melanie

1. What did you do with your bae today?

Flew to California, hung out around the beach, got tacos, hung out with his best friends. Tony was really tired all day cause he woke up at 4 and couldn't go back to sleep, but he was more at ease than I've ever seen him cause these are some of his favorite people. They're really great and I'm glad we're here hanging out with them. I did notice myself needing more by myself time to process things, which makes sense being around people 24/7. But I got a really long nap in and then I felt more able to connect and have deep conversations with his friends, I felt more like myself. We laughed so much and Tony was downright silly at the end of the night. I should have recorded his laughing fits. 

2. Scale from 1-10 how comfortable do you feel with your bae?

7. I'm noticing that I'm overthinking things more, so I'm less responsive and get more annoyed by cute things or physical contact. I also noticed that I was again emphasizing the temporary elements of this experiment when questions even hinted to more dating or future potential. I can see myself getting into my unfortunate pattern of being more critical in my head, but I can't tell if it's because I don't like him or if I am about to start my period and things that would normally be endearing are annoying. I don't know how to tell the difference so I'm trying to be kind on the outside. But I think a different way to behave (which is the point of this), would be to own up to the confusion by telling him. I feel nervous even writing that, cause it feels like it could be mean, but honestly it's more mean to not communicate. And it's not my job to take care of his emotions (how many more times will I write that in the next 15 days?). 


3. Pop quiz time: What is your bae’s pet peeve? Favorite movie?

Oh geeze. This feels like one of those impossible questions people ask at bridal showers. Except we are not engaged and I've known him 2 weeks so odds are kinda against me. I'd guess it has something to do with people being inconsiderate or leaving messes?

Erm. I know he likes comic book movies. But his favorite is an older one, he hinted at it today but I wouldn't let him cheat and tell me.


4. What is your pet peeve? Favorite movie?

I HATE when people spit their chewed gum on the ground. Or really just gum any time it's not in people's mouths. That texture is the worst and it smells bad and I'm gagging just thinking about it.

I'm letting myself have 2. Princess and the Frog is the best Disney soundtrack and is such a cute storyline.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is my favorite movie. The way it explores emotion and attachment is one of the most creative movie approaches I've ever seen. And I love Jim Carey as a serious actor. (Ye be warned, it's weird and look up reviews before you take my recommendation)


5. Tell us about a relationship you admire. What about it do you admire?

Hmmm. I feel like this is hard to answer because there are people who will read this and I don't want to play favorites and inevitably hurt another person's feelings. (Hi, I'm Melanie and I'm a recovering emotional over-caretaker. I know it's not my job to take care of other people's emotions. *Hiiiii Melanie, says the circle of this imaginary support group in my head. This might be a good support group to start!)

Ok, done avoiding. I knew this couple that was going through a faith transition in one of the partners. I admired their relationship because they were genuinely and obviously friends and had deep respect for each other. But it was also so obvious to see in how they talked about each other that there was an unwavering love that wasn't attached to some social exchange--it wasn't about "I love them because I get this from them." It was just true, unromantic, committed love. And even though I knew that they were years into their marriage, I wonder what it looked like at the beginning. Was that connection always there a little, or was it only developed through working through hard things together? Like it was only after the pain and grueling work of tying your heart and life to another person that allowed that emotion to exist? I want to feel that deep, willing love, but I don't think I have before because I haven't taken the steps to weave my life so completely with anyone else.


Anyway, it's time for 'Find you a bae!' And y'all, Tony was so at ease today. Find you a bae who has connections and attachments so deep that he knows he can be himself with them. Hopefully someday that is shared between you and your bae.

 

Tony

1. What did you do with your bae today?

Today we flew to California for Memorial Day weekend! We got up super early to get to the airport and we were both pretty dead on the flight over. We flew into San Diego and spent the day with my best friends on planet earth. I was in the MTC with my friend Devan and Ryan and later became best friends with Devan’s wife Marie and Ryan’s wife, Sam. They are more than friends to me—they are family. So, I was so excited when Mel said that she would come with me to spend the weekend with them. She has got along with them just great so far! And I wouldn’t really expect anything less

We spent some time in San Diego and went out to Coronado island to walk on the beach. It was such a beautiful day and being there with her was amazing.

2. Scale from 1-10 how comfortable do you feel with your bae?

I am feeling at a 9. When I am rating my comfort level with her, I feel like one of the main things I look at is my degree of comfort when spending time with her, talking with her, and doing different activities with her. I am definitely at a solid 9.

3. Pop quiz time: What is your bae’s pet peeve? Favorite movie?

Well in the time that I have known her, we have enjoyed two movies together. The man from U.N.C.L.E. was our favorite that we watched together. I highly doubt that this is her favorite movie of all time, but she did say it was one of her favorites.

I honestly have no idea what her pet peeve might be. I bet a pet peeve would be people who are mean to others for no reason. Then again, any decent person would have that as a pet peeve  Oooo, I bet her pet peeve is soggy bread or something like that. Wait!!!! I just remembered that she said one time in a movie she put her hand on the side of her seat and felt a wad of chewed up gum!! That is definitely one of her pet peeves  Nailed it!!!

4. What is your pet peeve? Favorite movie?

Easy. Cold, wet ankles. That is my biggest pet peeve. There is nothing worse than walking outside in the snow, getting your pants so wet that it soaks your socks and leaves your ankles cold and wet. Nothing worse! Except Nazis. Nazis are worse…

I have so many favorite movies. I love all things Marvel (Mel enjoys them, but is not the biggest fan), Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and of course, Pixar. I think right now, one of my favorite Pixar movies is Moana because it reminds me of my mission to Samoa.

5. Tell us about a relationship you admire. What about it do you admire?

Being here with my friends helps me realize that they both have relationships I admire. Devan and Marie have been married more than 10 years and Ryan and I have watched them develop such a happy, healthy relationship with each other. They have the best communication style when addressing concerns, problems, and differences. They are united as parents and their example helps me understand the patience, love, and joy that comes with parenting.

Ryan and Sam have been married two years now and they have quickly developed a supportive, loving relationship. I am staying in their guest bedroom/office and on their whiteboard, they have written each other little love notes. The most profound one says, “I love you and I believe in you”. This perfectly sums up their relationship.