Melanie and Tony. Day 12.

“I feel like my brain has difficulty not making it black and white.”



1. Tell us about your time with your bae today

Tony and I met up in Lehi, then drove down to Orem for a Lux Singers choir concert. I had a friend who was soloing and am obsessed with this choir.

For real, look them up.

I knew it would be powerful, but I wasn't ready for how emotional the lineup or the performances were. We talked a bit in the car about how amazing they were. I did feel like I was defaulting more to asking questions instead of sharing real things about myself, so I tried to open up and share the emotional things I experienced during the concert, but it felt rushed and it didn't quite feel like the right timing.

I think Tony had lots on his mind, and though he talked about trying to have more fun instead of overthinking future things, I'm realizing now that there was more going on. And even though it's probably not my job to dig, I may ask about it tomorrow.

We went climbing and I was very much in my element, but it didn't seem as comfortable for him. I tried giving pointers without being critical. He was encouraging and I was kinda focused on getting some good climbs in.

I'm not sure what it was, but something felt a little off. I did text him after that sometimes that happens before my period starts, and maybe that's all it was.

2. What is something embarrassing that has happened between you and your bae the past 12 days.

I mean, we've both talked now about me farting during jiujitsu, but I can't really remember anything else?

3. Do you think your bae sleeps with socks on?

No. He will often take off his socks before we watch a movie so I can't imagine he would sleep with them on?

4. What do you appreciate about your bae?

Oh man, I realized I got out of the habit of saying "find yourself a bae that" at the end of my posts. I would do this to highlight things I appreciated about him. And I still appreciate him, I want to try and get back into that habit. I appreciate that he is considerate and aware of me and what I communicate. I appreciate that he tries to add more good things into the world. I appreciate that I can feel comfortable with him and don't have to be anything other than myself. I appreciate that he doesn't take advantage of my emotions to work through his stuff, but he is proactive about his own emotional maturity.

5. What do you want to discuss/learn in relationship coaching this week?

I'm having a hard time keeping the anxiety of "but what about after the 30 days" from going crazy, while also not reverting to just "welp, this isn't even a real relationship because we aren't dating in 18 more days." Neither of those feel like a balanced perspective to bring into giving this an honest shot. But I feel like my brain has difficulty not making it black and white.



1. Tell us about your time with your bae today

Melanie had a friend singing in the Lux Singers concert tonight so we went down to listen. Peeps! If you have not heard the Lux Singers and want to listen to divine music, I highly recommend it. It brought out so many uplifting thoughts and emotions. Definitely an inspiring experience. I can’t wait to go listen to them again sometime. Maybe for their Christmas concert!!

After the concert, we went rock climbing. I have been rock climbing before, but not a ton indoors. The gym we went to was just set up for bouldering, so that was a little different as well. All I can say is that I have a lot to work on before I can be confident in my bouldering ability! Melanie did fantastic! She was very helpful to assist me with proper form and some feedback so that I could climb longer and not get so wore out. It was nice to get a little exercise and do something with her that she really enjoys.

2.  What is something embarrassing that has happened between you and your bae the past 12 days.

Besides when she farted on me in Jiu-Jitsu??  Just kidding! I can honestly say that we have not had any embarrassing moments between us. When you get to the level of comfort that you are burping and farting in front of each other, I think there really isn’t anything else to be embarrassed about. Even when she told me about her experience at Jiu-Jitsu, she wasn’t embarrassed. I think I would have been embarrassed had our roles been reversed, but now that I know her better, I think that we would just laugh about it.

3. Do you think your bae sleeps with socks on?

I think that she is a no-socks kinda girl when she sleeps. I have absolutely zero evidence to support my claim, but I figure it is a 50-50 guess.

I do think she is someone who likes to be warm when she sleeps—all bundled up and such—but then again who doesn’t love that! I love being barricaded into bed, but I think I would go nuts if I had to wear socks when I sleep. I don’t like wearing socks, period, let alone when I am sleeping.

4.  What do you appreciate about your bae?

  • Kindness - As we have met new people, Melanie always seems to show kindness to everyone she meets. It seems to come natural to her. She is incredibly kind to her friends, but what is more impressive is that she is kind to complete strangers. It is a very attractive attribute that she possesses.

  • Understanding - As I have shared some of my experiences that I have had throughout my life, not only have I been met with compassion from Mel, but she always seems to truly understand what I have gone through and experienced. She always seems to provide just the right amount of validation so that I feel like she really gets me and understands what I am talking about.

  • Empathy - We went with Melanie’s friend to the Lux Singers concert. She wanted me to be aware that she might not be as affectionate, because her friend had just broken up with her boyfriend and it was unexpected. She wanted to be sensitive to her friend’s feelings so she didn’t want to be overly affectionate in front of her. Melanie seems to constantly be looking out for other people’s emotions.

  • Happiness - Regardless of what we do together, even when I know that she is feeling confused or having frustrating emotions, she always seems to find happiness. It is really refreshing to know that she can smile and laugh, even during harder days.

  • Humor - I always seem to find myself laughing when I am around her. She is clever and witty and conversation with her is never dull. For example, when we were making dinner together on Sunday, she kept talking to the kitchen appliances, knives, pans, and the food. She would give little pep talks to encourage these things to behave and work in her favor so that the meal would turn out good. It was hilarious!! It must have worked because the dinner was great! Also, I realized that she gets a little crazy when she is tired. Last night at 1am she sent me a picture of her as a man… She and her roomies were trying it out and they were laughing so hard! 

So naturally, I was curious what I looked like with the girl filter on. Lo and behold, we are still a cute couple 

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5.     What do you want to discuss/learn in relationship coaching this week?

It is possible that I tend to analyze things maybe a little too much 

But with Thirty Day Bae, they constantly advise us to have fun, live in the moment, and don’t worry too much about what will happen at the end of the 30 days. Great advice! But then they give us daily logs and tell us to analyze how the day went… So, I am left here trying not to over-analyze while also needing to analyze daily so I can write about my relationship with Melanie. It is fairly challenging and somewhat contradictory in my mind. I hope to discuss this with Jordan and see how to rectify this in my mind. No big deal.