Melinda and Jake. Day 8.

“AH! What's the number for confused?”



1. Tell us about today!

"'Solo' might be my new favorite Star Wars movie," Jake said as he left.

"What? You hardly watched any of it," I countered.

"Yep, that's why."

So that was our night. We also went to the Windy Garden Concert Series (shout out to Jordan Johnson for putting it on!) and heard some music by some very talented people (Kimberly Knighton, Garon Brett, and Joseph Moore) and got frozen custard.

That was about it. We did our own thing most of the day.

2. Tell us a story from your childhood.


I asked my fam if they had any stories from my childhood that were like "classic Melinda" stories everything they said wasn't really a story. Mostly everyone told me different variations of me acting out my favorite musicals... But my dad thought of one that was kind of a story. It was just that when I was 9, I read this quote in "Walk Two Moons" by Sharon Creech that changed my life. It said, "In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?" That idea totally blew my mind and I started applying it to everything. So much so that I made the greatest sacrifice my 9-year-old self could think of: cut of my long hair to donate to Locks of Love. I'm sure I was very dramatic about it (because making a big deal about things is very "classic Melinda") but I just realized that I wouldn't care so much about my hair in the course of all my life, but for someone else, the hair could actually make a difference.

3. What is something you have learned about your bae this past week that you wouldn't have guessed on day 1.

I don't know.... I'm trying to think if anything's surprised me. That he's into juggling... that he wrote that book of poems*... I didn't know he'd worked as a river guide or that he literally chased down sex traffickers in Thailand. I think those things are cool and I didn't know them at the beginning of the week. I don't know guys, I don't feel like we're really connecting. And I'm afraid he'd disagree with that. I don't feel like conversation is easy. 

*OK, wait. I don't know what he wrote in his log Day 6, but yesterday he was giving me a hard time about not wanting to read his poems, but you get it right? Like, I have a university education in poem analysis. It makes me nervous when people show me things they write hoping for affirmation because I have a hard time giving it if it ends up they don't deserve praise. I know... It's not the best character trait. I did tell him some things I liked from the poems! But anyways today, I asked him if I'd hurt his feelings and he said, "No, I just thought it was funny that you reacted that way." So there's that.

4. Scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

AH! What's the number for confused?

So I'm not feeling very connected to Jake. I don't feel like we've gotten to that point where we can easily have deep conversations or fun conversations and that's weird because I've been there before with him. A year and a half ago I was very interested in him because we sat on the stairs at a friend's cabin and talked for hours. Why can't I find that relationship again?

Here's the deal: I want this experiment to teach me that if only I would invest more time and effort into a relationship and give men more of a chance before writing them off, that things will work out. I want the problem to be my lack of commitment, not my lack of compatibility with them men I date. The reason I hope it's a commitment issue is because I have control over my lack of commitment, I don't have control over compatibility. So if the issue is compatibility, not commitment, then I'm doomed to wait on fate, for a kindred spirit to cross my path; I can't change that destiny. But right now, I'm feeling like commitment can't trump lack of compatibility. And I don't feel like we're that compatible.

So what does that mean for right now? Well, I'm committed to this relationship for the sake of the experiment, but if that's the only reason I'm committed, am I really even doing the experiment?! Like I can hang out for 22 more days, but if I'm just faking it the whole time (with the intent of faking it 'til I make it, obviously) am I just wasting my time?



1. Tell us about today!

Today we went to a concert together. It was a small one with three local musicians and it was awesome! On the way there we had a pretty deep conversation about our beliefs. We both belong to a church that forbids gay relationships. and we were able to be honest with each other when talking about that sensitive subject because I told her even though the church says that is wrong I don't know if it is, and if it is then I don't understand it and I think that's okay to just not know if it's right or wrong. For me that's not a temptation so for me I know it would feel so wrong if I tried having s homosexual relationship but for someone who has same-sex attraction, I don't know if it's wrong because of some cognitive dissonance. So I just choose to say I don't know when it comes to that subject because I really don't. Now as you can imagine that can be kind of a scary conversation to have with the person you're dating. But we had a great conversation about it and I didn't feel like I was being judged at all. I won't say her opinions on the subject, I'll let her do that if she wants but I was just really glad we could be that open about a difficult subject.

After the concert we went and got ice cream and then went to her house and watched Solo. I don't know why so many people didn't like that movie, I loved it. We actually didn't get through all of it but hopefully we will soon.

2. Tell us a story from your childhood.

When I was in tee-ball I lied to my dad one time and he found out. He was pretty mad about it and I had a tee-ball game that night. So my dad said, "either you can get a spanking and go to your tee-ball game OR you can not get a spanking and not go to your Tee-ball game." I loved tee-ball so I said, "spank me." He did and then we went to my tee-ball game and it got rained out. It was a double whammy. I cried the whole drive home and my dad laughed the whole drive home. I hope this doesn't sound like a sad story, I mean it kind of is but it's a family favorite story that always makes us laugh now. 

Hopefully you don't think my dad is a bad person, because he's the freakin man! I love that guy, not as much as my mom, she spanked me far less growing up.


3. What is something you have learned about your bae this past week that you wouldn't have guessed on day 1.

She is very opinionated about a lot of things. And very random things. haha Like she is very opinionated about the difference between Disney Land and California Adventure Land of Disney. Or whatever the other one is called, to me it's all Disney Land and she is dead set on it not all being Disney Land. I don't know, I've only been to Disney Land once and only stayed for an hour (it's a long story). But apparently I haven't been to Disney Land I've been to Disney California Land Adventure. You were probably wanting a deeper answer than that but that's the best I've got right now. But overall I'd say she kind of enjoys arguing a little bit and so do I. Not like real, big arguments just kind of funny arguments about what is and isn't Disney Land. And it's fun.

4. Scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?