Melinda and Jake. Day 28.

“Can I be honest? Not feeling too appreciative today.”

 

Melinda

1. Give us the deets. How was your day?

I'm frustrated because Jake didn't try to call me last night and he never responded to my text. But mostly I'm frustrated because Jake's lack of commitment to the experiment directly impacts my ability to participate in it. The whole point of TDB is to see what happens if you choose to put effort in a relationship even when you aren't feeling it.

So in the spirit of putting in effort even when you don't feel like it, I tried to think of ways I could still demonstrate commitment, even with Jake being busy and starting his 48 film festival. My friend suggested doing something that speaks to his love language. Unfortunately, Jake's love language is physical touch and... that's hard to do when we're not in the same room (I don't think the emoji has quite the same effect...). So what else is there? Quality time is not in my power. He doesn't seem to appreciate words of affirmation. So that leaves gifts and acts of service. I sent a pizza (gift) to his office for lunch (service).

And you know what? I wasn't expecting to get any affirmation out of this and I wasn't even doing it to show affection. If I'm being honest, I legit only did it so that I could tell myself that I did everything I could to be committed. So I was surprised that I felt so good about getting a response from him. I'm not high maintenance. But I am maintenance. I need the guy I'm dating to text me. And I like it best if he says nice things to me like "YOU'RE THE FREAKIN COOLEST!!!"

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I'd tell him that I'm frustrated, but I've been realizing that effective communication directly correlates to commitment level. I think that's why it's been so hard for me to communicate in this relationship (beyond communication just being inherently challenging).

It's hard to tell someone the things you're struggling with in your relationship when you feel like they aren't committed. And I don't mean I-won't-date-anyone-else-for-30-days committed. I mean I-want-to-make-this-relationship-good kind of committed. When someone is that kind of committed to you, you can say, "This relationship isn't working for me," and they want to find solutions because they want to make the relationship work. Without that commitment, bringing up issues feels unwelcome.


2. Pop quiz: What color are your baes eyes? What’s something you have come to appreciate about your bae?

Blue. 

Can I be honest? Not feeling too appreciative today. I appreciate that he did try to call me in his limited time, even though I missed it.


3. Scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

1.3


4. What is something weird we wouldn’t know about your relationship?

Do you know that I dated Jake's old roommate? Or that his current roommate was my prom date? Those are some weird things about our relationship you might not know.


5. Please name one weird/unique trick your bae can do and attach a video/pic, please.

I asked Jake to send me something. I suggested juggling fire batons (largely because I'd love to see that), but he never responded to my text. So I guess I'll send my trick. It's not that cool, but I'm working at nailing the American Ninja Warrior course. And tonight I went to Airborne with some friends so I did some of it. Here's this vid.

[If Jake sends me his and/or asks for mine, we can totally change this part. However, as is, it's pretty telling of our relationship currently]


6. Is there anything you want to do differently tomorrow?

I just keep thinking how I want to tell him that I'm disappointed we're not better friends. I don't know if I'll see him tomorrow. He hasn't told me when/where to help with the film, even though he told me I could help. So since I won't see him, and I don't even know if I'll talk to him at all, I probably won't say that. But that's what's on my mind.


 

Jake

1. Give us the deets. How was your day?

So today I started a 48 hour film festival. Which means your given a genre to write on and several things to include in your script at 7:00 on Friday and then you have to write, film, and edit a 7 minute video by 7:00 on Sunday. So I'm probably not going to see my bae that entire time. Which is a bummer but I think the film will be fun. I don't think my bae is stoked that I'm doing this especially on our last days of 30 Day Bae but I really want to do this and I've got a way solid team I'm doing this with. Maybe I should find a girl who does film that way we can do crazy things like this together. Maybe not though, then we might do too much of it and I'd get burnt out. I don't know.

2. Pop quiz: What color are your baes eyes? What’s something you have come to appreciate about your bae?

Green. She has an opinion about everything and she's not afraid to voice it even if it's different from mine.

3. Scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

6

4. What is something weird we wouldn’t know about your relationship?

I still don't know if she wants to date me at the end of this. And I don't know if she knows if I want to continue dating her at the end of this. Maybe we should have had that conversation already by now, but I was afraid things would get weird between us if we knew we didn't want to date each other at the end of this or if one of us wanted to and the other one didn't.

5. Please name one weird/unique trick your bae can do and attach a video/pic, please.

She can quote almost all of Anne of Green Gables.

6. Is there anything you want to do differently tomorrow?

Dominate the 48 Hour Film Festival. And try to call her at least once.