Melinda and Jake. Day 16.

“I don't think two people should complete each other.”

 

Melinda

1. Tell us about your day

What a good day. Some sun, really good talk in church, cathedral canyon, rainbow bridge, boating, card games, good talks, good food.

I chatted with Jake for only like 15 minutes. He was in church when I called and then I was in church, and then he was saying goodbye to his sister and then I was going out of cell phone range. So that's how it went.

2. It’s Sunday. Drop a truth bomb. What are you learning about relationships?

I was talking to a friend and I said I would hate if after Thirty Day Bae, everything was the same: I didn't learn what I was doing wrong, and how to fix it, and be better at dating. She said, "But maybe if that happened, you'd realize that maybe you aren't doing anything wrong, because I don't think you are."

If that's the case, it should be comforting to realize you're not doing something wrong, but I want to be doing something wrong. Because if I'm doing something wrong, then I can fix it. If I'm not doing anything wrong, I can't change anything, and I'm still at the mercy of fate.



3. Pancake vs waffle

Pancake. Unless it’s the true Belgium-style waffle made with dough and sugar crystals. Like at Waffle Love. Then WAFFLE!



4. What’s the worst/best relationship advice you’ve ever been given? 

The worst relationship advice I've ever received: Don't be so picky

The best relationship advice I've ever received: Be picky

And guess who gave that best relationship advice? Only Elaine S. Dalton, the Young Women General President of my youth! She straight-up said, "Be picky!" over the pulpit at a fireside a couple years ago.

The people who tell me not to be so picky are well-meaning. They just want me to have the joys of being in a relationship. But we're talking about an eternal covenant here, so I kind of care a lot. And, frankly, I don't see any reason not to be picky. My life is good, better than I deserve. If I'm going to disturb that for the challenges of a relationship, I want that relationship to be worth it. I believe it will be.

Still, like I've been saying, TDB is opening me up to be less picky with dating. I really want to be more open. But you best believe I'm staying as picky as I want when it comes to long-term relationshipping.

5. Gif to sum up your feelings

SUMMER FEELINGS

SUMMER FEELINGS

 

Jake

1. Tell us about your day

Today we were still apart but Melinda did get service for a little bit so we were able to talk on the phone for 15 minutes or so. It was good, she told me about her trip and I told her about visiting my family. It was a good time. Honestly I was kind of hoping I would miss her but I kind of don't. I hope that doesn't seem like a diss on her because I can't help it but I will say it was fun to talk to her. Also did I mention my ex-girlfriend is on the trip with her? I think i did mention but just in case. She's with my ex-girlfriend which would have made it pretty difficult if I was there on that trip with her which I almost was.

2. It’s Sunday. Drop a truth bomb. What are you learning about relationships?

Love is something that can't be earned or taken or bought. Love is something that can only be given. You can't force someone to give you love. They can fake it like they're giving you love but it's never going to be the same as if it's given freely to you. That's one reason relationships can be so hard. No matter how hard you work you can't work hard enough to get love. You just have to be yourself and love the other person and hope they give you love back. It's one of those things that sucks and is so beautiful all at the same time.

3. Pancake vs waffle

Pancake. To be more specific Lemon Pancakes at Lazy Days Cafe in Salt Lake City. I'm not even a big Lemon guy but I would name my first born child Lazy Day if it meant getting access to more of those pancakes.

4. What’s the worst/best relationship advice you’ve ever been given? 

An old roommate of mine told me, "in order to let a girl know you appreciate her you have to grab her boobs." That would go in the worst relationship advice category.

Best advice was probably given my Donald Miller in his book Scary Close, it's the best book on relationships I've ever read. Not just romantic relationships but all relationships. If you haven't read it go buy it right now! He said (and I'm paraphrasing) "I don't think two people should complete each other. Neither person should put that unfair expectation on the other person. Our deepest longings and ultimate fulfillment will someday be met by God. So we're just looking for someone to share the longing with. I don't know if there's a healthier way for two people to stay in love than to stop using each other to resolve their unfulfilled longings and, instead, start holding each other closely as they experience them."

5. Gif to sum up your feelings

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