Melinda and Jake. Day 15.

“You can have captivation without being compatible.”

 

Melinda

1. Tell us about your day with bae.

Well... he he... we didn’t talk. At all. I’m in Lake Powell and don’t have service. Which honestly is something I love about travel. Total escape. But it doesn’t support this experiment too well...

2. You’ve known your bae for 15 days. What is their serial killer tendency?

I’ve been thinking about this question SO HARD! And I can’t think of anything. Does that mean I’m a bad girlfriend?


3. Scale from 1-10 how would you rate your chemistry?

Ok, so I’ve been asking all my trip people what they think the relationship between compatibility and chemistry is, because as you may remember, I’m struggling to understand what this question means. And here’s the conclusion I’ve come to.

There are actually 4 categories:

-commitment 

-compatibility 

-chemistry 

-captivation

Captivation is tricky. It feels like chemistry and acts like compatibility, but it’s neither. It’s the cause behind staying up too late because you can’t quit talking since you have so much to say. It’s what makes doing everyday things like going to the grocery store so fun. It’s why you text someone so often because you keep thinking of things you want to tell them all day long.

You can have captivation without being compatible. Aka you can be totally crazy about how you can have the most fascinating conversation about nothing with them, while not sharing the same values and goals and hobbies and all the things that make you compatible.

You can also have captivation without having chemistry. Like you can want to hang out with them all the time but have zero desire to kiss them.

I explained these 4 factors to a 14-year-old and she called captivation “actual love.” So maybe that’s what it is.

(Also you may be thinking “You totally avoided the question!!” And I’m like “Yeah... I haven’t seen him today so I’m not so sure.”)


4. How have you grown and what have you learned the past 15 days? What do you want to focus on the next 15 days?

Oh, so many things. I think the main way I’ve grown is I feel more open to relationships.

First, I’ve learned that I shouldn’t let my feelings govern all my dating choices. So going forward, I’m going to work on putting that into practice.

Second, for some reason being in a relationship, even a 15-day unconventional one, has made me feel more confident about relationships. I guess just giving myself the label of girlfriend makes me believe that “single” might not be this inherent part of my identity. Maybe subconsciously I was holding myself back. If that’s true, hopefully that will change?

 

Jake

1. Tell us about your day with bae.

So today was the first day we didn't even talk to each other. She's giving me the silent treatment. Mostly because she's at Lake Powell and doesn't have any service. Plus, I'm in Boise this weekend visiting my family so I think it's probably a good thing to be able to give my fam all my attention. I'm so lucky to have the family I do, I can talk with them about anything and i know they'll still love me and won't judge me. I'm sure that's how a lot of families are but I don't think a lot of people are comfortable testing those waters. I'm a pretty open person as you can probably tell and so I do test those waters with my family and they pass the test every time. They're awesome! Sorry, I'm not talking about my Bae, but the fam needed a shoutout.

2. You’ve known your bae for 15 days. What is their serial killer tendency?

Running Oreos under a faucet before eating them?! I'm pretty sure I sinned just reading that. Melinda's serial killer tendency is every time we cuddle she puts her finger in my bellybutton. haha jk but I for reals had a girlfriend who did that. As weird as that is I'd still take that over the Oreos person. But for reals Melinda's serial Killer tendency is probably she doesn't look me in the eye for the first 10 minutes or so of us seeing each other. She has to like warm up to it. haha I don't know if she knows that. And it's probably not 10 minutes it's probably more like 1 minute but still every time I first see her it takes a little bit of her glancing at my eyes and looking away before she'll just look me in the eye comfortably.


3. Scale from 1-10 how would you rate your chemistry?

6. 5.

4. How have you grown and what have you learned the past 15 days? What do you want to focus on the next 15 days?

I've learned that even though I don't think we have as much chemistry as we should to make our relationship go the distance, we are still able to have a way fun time together. The next 15 days I want to focus on learning from her on what I can do to be better at relationships. I want to try to have those conversations and get her to be very comfortable with telling me when I did or said something that I shouldn't have.