Meet Melanie and Tony

“I’m looking forward to some uncomfortable growth in the relationship department.”

 

Meet Melanie

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1. Tell us a story that sums up you - a story that is considered “very on brand.”

Oh geeze. I wish this wasn't the first story I had to tell as I wrote on TDB, but I really do.

One time on a date (when I was older than....it was post adolescence) it was really late and cold while we were walking around and talking. I mentioned that I needed to use the bathroom, and luckily there was one just ahead of us. When we were less than 20 feet from the stall, my bowels took over and I was unable to hold my bladder any longer. As a grown a** woman, I wet my pants on a date. BUT LISTEN OK THIS ISN'T THE PART THAT IS ON BRAND I DON'T GO AROUND PEEING MY PANTS I SWEAR. It's what happened next.

I tried to clean it up as much as possible, and BLESS UP that I was wearing a very long pea coat. It perfectly covered the wet part of my pants (which I checked after with my roommates. And trust me--even in the dark, he probably would have seen without that coat). I continued walking and talking normally for the last 15 minutes of conversation (my wet legs were getting pretty chilly at this point; I covered up my shivering by blaming it on the cold air), was careful to not get too close as I hugged him goodbye, and drove home. I still don't think he knows. I guess until he reads this post. Great.

Mom, when you read this, I'm sorry. I know this isn't the story you wanted me to tell but it's the story the people needed. Crying about every dog I see or accidentally swearing at church activities just wasn't enough.

 

2. How in the world did you get here? What drove you to apply for Thirty Day Bae?

I almost applied the first season, but had this really big crush on a great guy, so I was still feeling hopeful that would go somewhere. It didn't.

But I realized, when I read the bae watch nightly that first season, this was something that I cared about and could see value in. I saw a need for my own increased commitment. And honestly, I've been trying to get people to break social norms like this for ages. I can't tell you how many times I tried to get a mutual match to go to a wedding reception with me, pretending we were dating. It never panned out. So basically the universe heard my cry and destiny brought me to Thirty Day Bae. The true angels, making my dreams come true.


3. What are you hoping to learn?

Though I know I ultimately want to have a committed relationship at some point and hope to be married in the next 5 years, I'm not practicing commitment in any way. I haven't had a technical boyfriend in 2 years and have become very comfortable having all my time be my own. I want to learn how to let someone back into my life, to open up and share my time, but also the important vulnerable parts of myself. I'm hoping I can learn to stave off comparison and find ways to be happy with the partner I'm with right now. I hope I learn some of the things holding me back in relationships, cause honestly I think there's lots I can't learn about relationship Melanie unless I'm actually in a relationship. (I refer to myself in third person a lot. Gear up, everyone).


4. Thoughts on the relationship between compatibility, chemistry, and commitment?

As I've dated in the past, I have seen the pattern as chemistry, compatibility, then commitment. I feel a pull to certain people, so I want to spend more time with them and see if we have things in common. If that goes well, we spend more time together and soooommmmeeetimes (it feels rare) we decide to try the whole dating thing. But when it starts with chemistry, it gets confusing to remember why I'm with them if that goes away, or wanes at all. I'm curious to see how completely flipping that by starting with commitment before I know anything about our chemistry or compatibility changes things. I've already seen that the commitment helps me feel more comfortable and relaxed, not having to worry about games at all. I can't wait to see what I learn after I actually meet him!

5. Gif/meme/video etc. to describe your overall feelings?

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6. Other thoughts?

Dear readers, please be kind. I've been on the other side of reading these, and I know how easy it can be to judge. But please remember I'm trying my best to be vulnerable, and I'm doing it for you!! also for me and whoever bae is (can't wait to learn his name), but it's scary to write so much of my heart, so please read with kindness. I'm learning right along with ya'll. 

 

Meet Tony

Tony.jpg

1. Tell us a story that sums up you - a story that is considered “very on brand.”

Two months ago, I found myself standing 4 feet away from Boyz II Men. For free. So naturally, I started singing at the top of my lungs. As per my M.O., the lyrics were absolutely incorrect. I turned to my left and there is a man dancing with an energy befitting of a Boyz II Men concert, and singing every word (correctly) with an incredible voice. It was Alex Boye. I was singing Boyz II Men with Alex Boye. That was the day I became a man. 


2. How in the world did you get here? What drove you to apply for Thirty Day Bae?

My coworker, Mike, seems to have a goal in life to constantly remind me of my singleness. It always finds a way to surface in our conversations. Every now and again, he will amicably send me an article or link to a dating website. He titled the Thirty Day Bae email, "The Solution To Your Problems". After laughing at the idea, knowing full well this is something I would not feel comfortable participating in, he told me, "Tony, what do you have to lose?" So I signed up, all the while thinking, "What am I doing?!" A huge plus, Mike owes me dinner if this thing goes well, so let's just say that I am gettin' me some dinner! 


3. What are you hoping to learn?

Seriously, this is going to push me outside my comfort zone. It already has. I am looking forward to some uncomfortable growth in the relationship department. I want to understand what it is like to become vulnerable with a relative stranger and what it is like to build a relationship from that kind of foundation. I also want to see if it is possible to start having feelings for someone because I am actively choosing to have those feelings. I am genuinely looking forward to shifting some of my paradigms about what constitutes a healthy, successful relationship.


4. Thoughts on the relationship between compatibility, chemistry, and commitment?

I look at compatibility as three different parts: physical compatibility, are we attracted to each other, emotional compatibility, do we trust and support each other, and intellectual compatibility, do we respect each other’s minds and value each other’s opinions. It will be interesting to explore each of these throughout the 30 days.

When I think of chemistry, it makes me think of that spark that can exist between two people. When there is chemistry, there is a degree of passion that drives each person to yearn to be together physically, emotionally, and intellectually, and keeps them coming back for more. 

To me, commitment in a relationship is when I am actively making sacrifices in my life so that I can spend time and energy with another person. Thirty Day Bae allows us to have the commitment already in place, so I think that will be a huge help in facilitating both compatibility and chemistry.


5. Gif/meme/video etc. to describe your overall feelings?

Me when filling out the application

Me when filling out the application

Me when I had my first interview with the Thirty Day Bae team

Me when I had my first interview with the Thirty Day Bae team

Me when I realized how public this will be

Me when I realized how public this will be

Me when I realized relationship coaching will be part of the process

Me when I realized relationship coaching will be part of the process

Me when I realized I got chosen as one of the Baes

Me when I realized I got chosen as one of the Baes

Me when I realized what I had gotten myself into

Me when I realized what I had gotten myself into


6. Other thoughts?  

I am significantly less nervous than I was earlier today :)