Jake and Emily. Day 3.

“Y’all need to go to therapy.”

 
 
 

Jake

Tell us about today!

I went and picked her up and we went to relationship counseling with Jordan. I really liked it. Part of me thought there would be nothing to talk about because we have only been dating 3 days.  

I was wrong.

We directly addressed some questions that she and I have had about this experiment and about our relationship.  I'm sold on the idea of therapy.  I walked out of there feeling really good about everything.  It also helped facilitate more talking as we drove home. I feel like we are a lot more on the same page now.   

I loved Jordan's approach.  Every time Jordan asked one of us a question, he would turn to the other one of us and ask, "What did you just hear him/her say?"  Then we had to repeat back what the other person said. It set up an environment where we were really listening to each other and trying to understand each other.

What did you learn about them? What did you learn about yourself?

I learned a little about Emily's expectations and desires for this relationship.  I have a better idea how to approach this whole thing now.

Jordan and I talked about not projecting relationships too far into the future, and enjoying the here and now.  A great piece of advice for me!

It also came to the realization that even though I'm already dating Emily, there is still a need to really try and "win her over".  The label doesn't really mean anything if we don't have a relationship. I don't think strict commitment is enough. Nobody wants to be in a relationship that they feel obligated to be in.

On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your time together today?

Nine. I loved relationship coaching, I learned a lot about the potential relationship we are trying to develop. It made me really excited to continue to date Emily.

On a scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

Eight. I think we are both the type of people that are going to put in the effort and try to make this work. There could be potential for both of us to develop feelings for each other.

How are you feeling about this experiment?

This is great! I think this style of dating especially requires a lot of open communication. The relationship coaching really facilitated that communication. That aspect of this experiment was much appreciated.

On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your chemistry with him/her?

Six.


Other thoughts?

Who knew relationship coaching could be useful after three days of knowing each other!?


Emily

Tell us about today!

If 30 Day Bae is an airplane, then Jordan is the flight attendant passing out peanuts of wisdom and helping us tighten our emotional oxygen masks. #DieterAnalogies

(OK.. I need to STOP writing these logs after 11 PM. This one is already off to a weird start)

So. You could probably tell I was pretty worked up last night wondering if I wanted to continue with this.

And then Jake came to pick me up for our coaching session. He was super great and nice and we laughed all the way to Jordan's and I was just like "Oh, I actually-maybe-could-kind-of like him." Just like that. So, yeah...turns out I'm a bit of a weirdo in these early stages and my emotions pass like a summer storm. That’s probably a little concerning. Hmm.

Our coaching was great. I don't think we were planning to talk much about our concerns in front of the other person, but Jordan helped get the conversation going and we had a really productive and positive chat. It turns out we've shared a lot of similar anxieties these past few days. I was really impressed with how Jake articulated himself. And he seemed to really care about how I felt and wanted to make things easier on me. Feeling emotionally safe with someone is a big deal. Today made me feel like we're really heading in the right direction.

I'm realizing that if some uncomfortable stuff happens, it'll be ok because I'm working through it with a good person. Whether we stay together, or just share in a crazy experience for a month, this is not going to be a bad experience. At all. I'm confident about that.

We had a good chat on the ride home about how surprisingly awesome our session was. I think our main takeaway is to just take it a day at a time. We don't need to constantly be wondering:

  • Do I like him? Does he like me?

  • Is this a date?  

  • What should be happening at this point? Should I be feeling a certain way?

  • Are we going to disagree on what color to paint the kitchen? (I want yellow btw)

  • When we’re empty nesters with dementia and drooling in our jello, will we have anything left to talk about?

We just need to chill and take a deep breath and have fun with it.

Remembering to stay present is probably so obvious. It's the mindset I was planning on having coming into this. But I guess jumping right into a relationship with a stranger has stirred up some anxiety (go figure).

Anyway, the summary is that our coaching came at a really good time. I can feel that Jake is committed to seeing the 30 days through and he said that he's liked his time with me so far. I'm not sure that I came into this with a mindset that was as solid as his, but I'm feeling fully committed now and I realize I have enjoyed my time so far with him. So, I just need to keep coming back to that.

One other good thing from today: We created a little google doc with our list of ideas for dates. We've been editing that throughout the day and I think that's helped me be more excited about the few weeks we have ahead.

Y’all need to go to therapy.

What did you learn about them? What did you learn about yourself?

I learned so many things today. I think he's an emotionally mature person who knows himself really well. It also seems like he’s mindful of how his actions affect others. I think he's the type who appreciates directness and will try to meet you where you need him. Some of my worries came up during coaching and I saw him immediately go into action mode to help me feel better. He said lots of great things on the drive home that calmed me down, and he was just really great.

I want to be more focused on seeing how I can help him feel good too. I'm finding that I’m kind of projecting my worries from previous relationships into this one. It’s ok to recognize the lessons I've learned from the past but appreciate that we have a blank slate here. This is a weird situation and we need to go easy on ourselves if it takes some time to adjust.

On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your time together today?

Seven. Today was a little heavy and we are due for an activity that's fun and light-hearted. But it was a really good afternoon.

On a scale from 1-10 how positively do you feel about your relationship at this point?

Five. I don’t really have a sense of how this is going to pan out, but I'm back into feeling more open and optimistic.  

How are you feeling about this experiment?

So... I know I keep saying how hanging out 5 days a week is way too intense. But if I would've waited until Monday or Tuesday to see him again, I probably would have been in my head too much and self-sabotaged the whole thing. So, I don't know... that time commitment could still end up throwing things off-balance, but maaaybe it's not so bad :)

On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your chemistry with him/her?

Five.