Brian and Sarah. Day 30.

“We will remain friends and even confidants.”

 
 
 
 

Brian

Tell us about today!

Tonight was our last night of 30 Day Bae😢 We did a Paint Night together.

On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your time together today? 

Eight. It was a very good way to end our “bae”ship. It was super relaxing and fun to paint.

What's next for you and your bae? 

So this might come as a shocker, but we are not moving forward in terms of dating. I have nothing but respect for Sarah and really do care about her and her happiness! We will remain friends and even confidants! We opened up to each other quite a bit and I feel like we know each other pretty well. I look forward to staying connected!

What did you learn and wow will this experiment change the way you date in the future?

I learned a lot over the past month that I’m looking forward to implementing in my dating moving forward. These are probably the top three lessons.

  1. It’s okay to discuss your feelings. Most likely the other person is experiencing similar feelings and it only makes your relationship that much healthier if you talk about it rather than ignore it.

  2. It is better to be authentic than to be perfect.

  3. I learned that I’m more ready for a relationship than I thought I was. It was nice to have “my person”.


What did you learn about compatibility? What did you learn about commitment? What did you learn about chemistry?

Something that I really learned, or at least was emphasized is that there is much more to compatibility than simply having the same hobbies or interests. I’ve given similar hobbies and interests way too much weight when it comes to dating.

I believe your commitment level directly translates into your confidence level in the relationship, and confidence in a relationship is critical to developing the peace and safety necessary for a healthy relationship. Commitment got me through a lot of the hard days. It was nice to know that even if we had an off night or we were bugged about something, there would always be tomorrow.

I would define Chemistry as the “X-Factor”, sometimes it’s there right from the get go and sometimes it takes time to develop. And sometimes it’s just not there..

What’s the most important takeaway from relationship coaching? 

A big take away I got is that oftentimes, to avoid contention or maybe hurting the other person’s feelings, you don’t address issues or concerns and these unresolved issues can grow into feelings of resentment. So I learned that it’s okay and healthy to bring these issues up, and lots of times they are resolved by simply making the other person aware of it. However, there are times when these issues can’t be resolved and you just have to accept that person for who they are, issues and all, and move on.

What was the greatest struggle for you? 

By far the hardest part of this whole situation was the feeling that I was forcing Sarah to spend time with me. I really hated that feeling.

What surprised you about this experiment?

How much time it actually took up. She lives in Lehi and I live in SLC, so it was usually a full night commitment when we went to see each other, there weren’t many short get togethers.

What's your favorite memory from TDB?

In a general sense, I really enjoyed our FaceTime sessions. I was a little worried about these, but they always turned out to be a lot of fun!

To be more specific, and this might sound boring, but I loved the night we went to “The Grinch” movie. It was just what I needed after a pretty hectic day at work. It was a really low key night, but it felt very natural:)

How do you feel this experiment would benefit others?

For me, the greatest benefit was to get back in the dating mindset and learn to integrate someone else into my life. It’s easy to get comfortable being single, so it was really good to have pseudo relationship to get me back in the flow of dating. If other people tried this out, I think they would experience similar benefits.

How would you rate your relationship overall?

Nine. As mentioned above, I have a nothing but good feelings about Sarah. Even though it didn’t develop into anything romantic, I wouldn’t have chosen to go through this with anyone else. I felt like I learned lessons from her specifically that will greatly benefit me in the future, and I hope she feels the same way!

How would you rate your chemistry with your bae?

Seven.


Other thoughts?

Thank you TDB for all of your hard work and putting this together! It was an honor to be a part of it! Much love to you all:)


Sarah

What did you do together today?

For our last day, we went and did a paint night by his house. It was so fun! There was a bunch of other people in the class. Our teacher showed us how to paint “Starry Night”. Afterwards we went and got hot chocolate and talked about our takeaways for the Thirty Day Bae project.

On a scale from 1-10 how would you rate your time together today? 

Seven.

What's next for you and your bae? 

We will still be great friends and people who we can always go to for advice or if we just need someone to talk to.

What did you learn and wow will this experiment change the way you date in the future?

My goals for this experiment were to learn how to build healthy relationships and how to set healthy boundaries. I feel like I’ve been able to do both.

There was the potential for it to lead to an unhealthy relationship if Brian and I didn’t have that one conversation after we ate at Texas Roadhouse. We’ve learned how to have those hard conversations with each other and that has made all the difference.

Through the hard conversations we’ve learned to understand one and build a healthy relationship, and that is what I want to bring into my future relationships.


What did you learn about compatibility? What did you learn about commitment? What did you learn about chemistry?

I learned that compatibility is multifaceted. You can be compatible with someone in many different ways: interests, ways of thinking, strengths, physicality, communication, how you handle hard things, etc.

I learned that commitment is a deeply rooted thing. To be committed to someone is to be there with them through all things, even if sometimes it’s hard and you don’t feel like it. Commitment is knowing that no matter what, your person is going to be there for you. Chemistry can be s few different things. To me, chemistry is how well you get along with someone. This can be multifaceted as well in my opinion.

What’s the most important takeaway from relationship coaching? 

Reflective listening to make sure you’re on the same page and understanding each other correctly.

What was the greatest struggle for you? 

The greatest struggle for me was the time commitment. I’m used to deciding what I’m doing with my time and who I’m spending it with so it was a change to have to spend my time with someone I didn’t know very well at first. It got easier though.


What surprised you about this experiment?

What surprised me the most is how much this experiment pushed me outside my comfort zone. But that’s how you grow the most.

I thought it would be fairly easy, but it was actually kind of uncomfortable at times haha. It isn’t a normal way to meet someone or a normal way to start dating someone.

What's your favorite memory from TDB?

I would say my favorite memory is just the overall bizarreness of the whole experiment. It was fun to do things a little different than normal (I’m actually not a fan of being set up on blind dates).

How do you feel this experiment would benefit others?

You learn a lot about yourselves. This experiment pushes you out of your comfort zone and really makes you evaluate yourself and your usual dating habits.


How would you rate your relationship overall?

Five. We didn’t connect on a romantic level but became good friends.

How would you rate your chemistry with your bae?

Five.