Alicia and Brice. Day 17.

“I've been noticing that my instinct is to keep my distance.”

 

Alicia


1.     Tell us about today. How is your bae doing?

Today I de-cluttered and got rid of three huge boxes of things! So my day was good. Brice worked and said there were no huge hiccups, which he thought there would be. We FaceTimed and talked about dissertations and clutter and our plans for the week. Brice said he likes doing his dissertation...so I guess he is doing well! Sounds like hell to me, but my dissertation experience must be different than his.

I am a little bit at a loss. I have told Brice in relationship coaching that I want to spend more time together and then on Thursday said that if he had a free hour over the next few days that maybe we could meet up, but we didn't. I know he was way busy on Saturday and I also know that I was supposed to be out of town, but I dunno. I feel like I'm expressing my needs, trying to be realistic about a way he can fill those, but then nothing comes of it. I wish everyone reading these logs could send me anonymous feedback about what I'm doing wrong or something. I just feel like I try something and it doesn't work and then it is hard to continue to be assertive knowing that Brice says that he doesn't want to feel pressure to change in relationships. I just don't know where the balance is. (Sidenote: on our drive home from Zion I said something about how finding balance is key and Brice said "okay Thanos," which was hilarious and also maybe I focus too much on balance. Like is balance really a thing? Or is balance only possible with the infinity stones? *sets GPS to Morag*).

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2. What is something you are currently experiencing in this relationship that you’ve experienced before with someone you’ve dated? (Seeing any trends?)

Ah yes, there are some trends. I am having difficulty communicating my needs or when I do and the other doesn't seem to want to meet them, then I pull away. This relationship is adding stress to my life and I've been eating more sweets, which is not an effective coping skill. Another thing I am trying to be mindful of this time is when I feel like a relationship is struggling, I have a tendency to focus on the negative. I think this is my way of lessening the pain if it were to end, but I don't like that I do that.

 

3. You have unlimited resources. What dream date would you plan for your bae?

He has a Mustang with a radar thingy and likes to drive kind of fast. I'm guessing he would enjoy one of those places that you can drive really fast luxury cars around. That's a total guess about what he would enjoy on a date, but there is evidence to support that. I bet he would also love to take painting lessons from the artist he watches on YouTube.

 

4. How have you seen your bae progress in the past 17 days?

Usually at night he will text me first to say that he is available to FaceTime. He is committed to this dating thing, which he said he did TDB to jump into dating. 

 

Brice


1. Tell us about today. How is your bae doing?

I had work today. So that was exciting. Bae and I FaceTimed at the end of the day. She's still packing things up and decluttering her apartment as she prepares to move. We chatted a bit about clutter and how I know people who can operate with a bunch of clutter around them. I can't stand it. Ha I need to keep things clean and organized. We also talked a bit about my dissertation work since I was working on that before she called. I had found like 50 articles to read. Alicia wondered if I actually read through all the articles and if I enjoyed it. I do. It's useful for me to clarify my thoughts on what I'm writing about. She said she doesn't do that for her dissertation which makes sense since she's focused more on therapy. That was about it!


2. What is something you are currently experiencing in this relationship that you’ve experienced before with someone you’ve dated? (Seeing any trends?)

I3 I tend to judge pretty quickly whether or not I think a relationship will work out. If I don't think it will, I'll pull away. But I think I may be missing out on things if I don't give people more of a chance. TDB is definitely an opportunity to give someone more of a chance rather than pulling away. I've been trying to fight against it, but working all weekend didn't help. With just two weeks left, I want to make an effort for us to spend more time together outside of dates. Finding time will be the tricky part, but I need to learn to lean into that discomfort and embrace this opportunity.


3. You have unlimited resources. What dream date would you plan for your bae?

So you know Jurassic Park? Well, I'm going to develop a Pokemon Park and we can go there and catch real, live Pokemon to our hearts' content. But that's super nerdy and unrealistic. Soooooo instead I'd plan a tour/backpacking trip through Africa. Part of her dissertation is about Africa and she seems to like being outdoors doing stuff. So I think that would be a good combo.


4. How have you seen your bae progress in the past 17 days?

She seems to be taking more chances in expressing her needs and insecurities when it comes to relationships (especially in coaching sessions). I don't know if she's done that in previous relationships, but I think that takes guts to do, especially with someone you don't really know.