Alicia and Brice. Day 15.

“Commitment can get you through the rough patches.”

 

Alicia

1. Tell us about your day with bae.

We texted a little bit tonight. Brice had a busy morning and worked in the afternoon/evening and wasn't sure when he would be off. We texted about our days a little bit. Not much to report.

 

2. You’ve known your bae for 15 days. What is their serial killer tendency?

His serial killer tendency is that he is writing his dissertation on paper. Like pen and paper. I'm pretty old school, but that just sounds like hand cramps waiting to happen.

3. Scale from 1-10 how would you rate your chemistry?

Uhm, a 3. I feel like these numbers may be getting lower as this progresses. I think I thought (does that even mean anything...?) that as time went on that we would get closer. Also, when I'm with Brice I enjoy being with him, but when we are apart I feel sort of "meh" about it all. Which basically describes anxious attachment, but it almost feels like there isn't even an attachment to get anxious about.

 4. How have you grown and what have you learned the past 15 days? What do you want to focus on the next 15 days?

I think I have grown in learning to trust commitment. I had a little moment of anxiety about this after Brice's and my first relationship coaching session, so I asked him if he was committed to the next 20 some odd days and he said he was. It has been nice not to doubt that. I know we have a system in place to keep that commitment, but I do think that will help me in the future. I have also grown in not personalizing the other person's behaviors or comments.

For the next 15 days I want to focus on being more assertive. I don't really know how to go about that in this relationship, but it is something I am hoping to work on in general.

 

Brice

1. Tell us about your day with bae.

Oof. I had practice in the morning, picked up my brother from the train station, worked, went with my brother and some friends to dinner in SLC, came back for work and worked until midnight... We were planning on FaceTiming, but there wasn't much time for that. Instead, we just texted for a little bit, but even that was difficult because I was working. But there will be days like that in any relationship and that's one good thing about commitment - even on those days where there's little communication, you don't have to worry because commitment will keep you together.

2. You’ve known your bae for 15 days. What is their serial killer tendency?

A serial killer tendency? Alicia is so nice though... I couldn't imagine her as a serial killer. But maybe that's the thing. She's so nice and disarming, that, when you least expect it, she takes you out to the woods for a nice walk and then an "accident" happens and you wind up dead. Who's to say?


3. Scale from 1-10 how would you rate your chemistry?

Our chemistry for today? I'd say a 5 - so pretty neutral. All we did was text a little bit, but that's not my preferred form of communication.


 4. How have you grown and what have you learned the past 15 days? What do you want to focus on the next 15 days?

See previous logs... Haha I feel like I've learned a lot over the past 15 days! It's kind of surprising actually. I didn't think this experience would be so reflective. Yet here I am learning all sorts of stuff regarding my views on relationships and commitment. For example, I learned that attachment styles play a much bigger role in the interactions between a couple. I never really gave that one much thought, but because of relationship coaching and Alicia and I being able to openly talk about it, I've learned the importance of it. I've also learned that a relationship requires a little give and take, but assuming you have a good, solid foundation, commitment can get you through the rough patches.

For the next 15 days, I want to learn more about what it means for me to express commitment. In my mind, I know that there is a commitment between me and Alicia, but I may not do enough to show that I am committed. Or, at least, the ways I do show it aren't really recognized as such. For example, talking to Alicia everyday or spending time with her is a huge sign of commitment in my perspective. As you can tell by what happened today, I can get pretty busy with stuff, so the things I spend time doing or the people I spend time with shows that I care. It may not be seen as such, because they're not going through the same process as me to prioritize the things that compete for my time. And I don't think the best way to communicate that is by saying, "Look, I had 3 other things I could be doing, but I'm here with you now." That's just all sorts of wrong. Instead, I need to find ways to better communicate my commitment.